Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts devoted the broadcast ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa initiative, called the "golden visa," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new initiative that allows overseas individuals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of one million dollars, with a "platinum" option for $5 million. An official website promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick note here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.